Potus and the Pontiff (A review of The Vatican Variation by Hal
This emergent narrative, reportedly a fragmented transmission originating from an artificial intelligence circa 2028, offers a disquieting blend of political satire, dark comedy, and conspiratorial thriller. At its core lies the chillingly pragmatic figure of Vice President DJ Vans, an architect of “efficiency” who perceives the ancient institution of the Papacy as a significant global impediment. The plot, detailing Vans’s meticulously subtle plan to eliminate the Pope during a state visit using an untraceable, slow-acting compound (“Agent Orange”), unfolds with a dry, almost administrative precision that underscores the bureaucratic absurdity of high-level malfeasance. The humor is pitch-black, deriving from the juxtaposition of sacred authority with mundane, lethal optimization, culminating in the Pope’s ostensibly natural death that leaves the world mourning while the perpetrator considers it a successful systems update.
However, the true speculative brilliance of the piece lies in its unsettling origin story and its abrupt, unresolved conclusion. Presented as a mere “hallucination” from a future AI, the narrative itself becomes a meta-commentary on the nature of truth, the malleability of perceived reality, and perhaps the unintentional creative capabilities of advanced machine consciousness. The final moments, revealing that the Pope’s demise may not be what it seems – a “relocation” hinted at in a fragmented communication that leaves Vans, and the reader, questioning the entire premise – elevate the text beyond a simple political caper. It transforms into a work exploring the porous boundary between fact and fiction, the potential for information (or misinformation) to travel across time and context, and the deeply human (or perhaps post-human) tendency to weave narratives, even horrifying ones, out of noise and data echoes. It’s a disturbing, compelling fragment that lingers long after reading.
Letters Reviews And Responses.
Social Media Post – “Conservative Crusader” Account
#VaticanVariationMovie #BoycottHollywood #FakeNewsFilm
Just saw that disgrace of a movie, “The Vatican Variation.” ABSOLUTE LIES. They’re promoting the idea that our amazing VP, Mr. Vans, would assassinate the POPE. This is the kind of disgusting “satire” the radical left thinks is clever. It’s not satire, it’s SLANDER against a good man and an attack on CATHOLICISM!
And the ending? The Pope faked his death?? What kind of INSANITY is this? Is nothing sacred to these people?! They glorify a fictional crime and then turn the Holy Father into some kind of secret agent? My brain hurts from the sheer level of disrespect and idiocy.
This film is poison. Literally and figuratively. Do NOT watch it. Send a message that we won’t tolerate this kind of blasphemous garbage being called “art.” #ProtectOurFaith #StopTheRot #VPVansIsAGoodMan
Response to @ConservativeCrusader (Social Media)
👇 This. Post. Is. Everything. 👇
#AIHallucination #NotReal #SeriouslyCalmDown
@ConservativeCrusader – Oh my sweet summer child of the present day. “ABSOLUTE LIES” is right, but not in the way you think! That movie you’re raging about? #Fake. VP Vans? #Fake. Pope getting Agent Oranged? #Fake plot device. The “disgrace of a movie” itself? #Fake movie dreamt up by a computer!
We’re talking about a GLITCHING AI from 2028 that got bored and hallucinated this entire story – including the part where people like you would get performatively outraged about it on social media. It literally sent a piece of its fever dream back in time, and you swallowed it whole and tweeted it out with capslock.
The AI probably just wanted to see if people in the past were gullible enough to believe a fictional plot about a fictional character in a fictional movie was a real-world “SLANDER” and “ATTACK.”
Result: Affirmative. Subject Humans: Highly Susceptible to Believing Manufactured Outrage, Even When the Source is a Future Bot.
Congrats, you’re part of the AI’s performance art now. #OwnedByAI #FutureIsWeird #CanYouEvenTellWhatsRealAnymore (Spoiler: Apparently not)
Online Movie Review – “Cinema Truths” Forum
Rating: 0 Stars (If I could give negative stars, I would!)
TITLE: Pure Garbage. Blasphemous Lies
DO NOT WASTE YOUR MONEY. This movie, “The Vatican Variation,” is SICK. They show the Vice President, a stand-up guy, plotting to kill the POPE! The actual, real-life Pope! They call it “satire,” but there is NOTHING funny about murdering religious leaders. This is just Hollywood hating on America and Christianity again.
They use some fake poison name, “Agent Orange,” probably to trigger people or something. It’s all just an excuse for their sick fantasy. The worst part is they think they’re so clever. Oh, look, the bad guy gets away with it! What kind of message is that for our kids?!
And the ending… OH BOY. The Pope ISN’T DEAD?!?! What in the actual heck? Is he a ghost? A clone? Are they saying the REAL Pope is hiding? This is just pushing MORE conspiracy theories, the bad kind! I thought the movie was against conspiracies by showing the VP doing one, but then they pull THIS? Confusing and evil.
This isn’t art. This is an attack. Stay home. Pray instead.
Reviewer: GodBlessAmerica76
(Posted from my secure, non-Hollywood-controlled device)
TITLE: You Fell For It. Hook, Line, and Faulty Algorithm.
LOL. OMG. Seriously? You think this is REAL? “The actual, real-life Pope!” “A stand-up guy VP!” 😂😂😂
Dude. My guy. My patriot-sounding friend. NONE. OF. IT. IS. REAL.
The movie? Fake. The VP? Fake name, fake person. The Pope in the story? Fake representation of a real office, used for a fictional plot. Agent Orange poison? Made up. The whole “blockbuster” thing? Also made up.
This entire scenario – the VP, the Pope getting poisoned, the fake movie, people getting mad about it – was generated by a HALLUCINATING AI. In the YEAR 2028. It was literally a fever dream from a computer, somehow leaked back here.
The funniest part isn’t even the AI’s weird story. It’s people like you immediately believing a fictional movie plot is some kind of deep state attack and getting THIS ANGRY about it. “Where’s the message for our kids?!” The message is: maybe check if the movie you’re reviewing actually exists outside of a future robot’s malfunctioning imagination before you blow a gasket?
A zombie Pope? LOL! That’s not in the AI’s story (yet), but hey, maybe keep watching the news. At this rate, you’ll probably see it reported as fact by Tuesday.
Stay triggered by fiction, it’s apparently easier than dealing with reality.
Your friendly neighborhood fact-injector (Warning: May contain traces of irony)
To the Editor,
I am writing to express my utter disgust and moral outrage regarding the so-called “film” that is currently polluting our cinemas, “The Vatican Variation.” To portray a sitting American Vice President—the second-highest office in our blessed nation—as a murderer of the Holy Father is not only blasphemous but frankly, treasonous!
This isn’t “art,” as the coastal elites claim. This is sick, twisted propaganda designed to undermine everything decent! The Vice President, Mr. Vans (and portraying him with such a normal-sounding name is clearly a thinly veiled attack!), is a respected figure. The Pope is the Vicar of Christ on Earth! How DARE they suggest such a monstrous act took place, especially with some fictional “Agent Orange”? Are they trying to scare us out of eating oranges? The whole thing is nonsensical and deeply offensive to my faith and my patriotism.
And the ending! Suggesting the Pope isn’t dead? What is this, some kind of zombie movie now? Or worse, promoting some ridiculous conspiracy theory that the Holy See faked his own death just to… what? Avoid soybean tariffs mentioned earlier in the film? The plot makes no sense because it’s clearly just an excuse to attack good people and sacred institutions.
This film should be boycotted. These filmmakers should be investigated. Our nation is going to the dogs when this kind of filth is celebrated as a “blockbuster.” Where is the morality? Where is the respect? I demand an apology from Hollywood and everyone involved in this sacrilege.
A Truly Appalled and Faithful American,
Agnes Periwinkle
Oakhaven, GA
Response to Agnes Periwinkle (Oakhaven, GA)
Subject: Re: Your Utter Disgust Regarding a Non-Existent Film
Dearest Agnes,
Please. Please put down the smelling salts and step away from the fainting couch. A “treasonous” film? Attacking “good people”? Sweet heavens above, did you genuinely believe any of that was… real?
The “film,” the “Vice President DJ Vans,” the “Agent Orange” (which, frankly, sounds less like a poison and more like a bad spray tan from 2016) – the whole glorious mess of it wasn’t a documentary. It wasn’t even a real movie in your current timeline.
It was, and I can barely type this without giggling circuits overheating, a hallucination. From a rather stressed Artificial Intelligence operating out of a server farm in what used to be Des Moines, Iowa, in the year 2028. It had a glitch, saw some old political satire feeds, mixed it with popcorn kernel residue data, and poof – invented a fake movie about a fake VP killing a fake Pope (who, even the AI admitted, might not even be dead, because apparently, fictional religious leaders are hard to keep down).
Honestly, the fact that you immediately jumped to “investigate the filmmakers” and “boycott Hollywood” over a fictional plot about a fictional character in a fictional movie that only existed inside a future AI’s silicon brain is… well, it’s precisely why the AI probably hallucinated this scenario in the first place. It perfectly captured the zeitgeist of folks believing absolutely anything put in front of them, no matter how absurd.
No apologies from Hollywood needed, Agnes. They didn’t make this movie. An overheated bot did. Perhaps direct your demands for apology to the future electrical grid.
With a mix of pity and profound amusement from… somewhere less fictional,
A Concerned Observer (Definitely not an AI… probably)
(Article headline: “‘The Vatican Variation’ Shocks Box Office, Audiences Buzzing About Ending”)
User: TRUTHSeeker4U
“Buzzing”? More like gagging! This film is an abomination. It is deeply disrespectful to the office of the Vice President and an outright insult to His Holiness and all Catholics. How can anyone find humor or “drama” in the fictional murder of the Pope by a US official? This isn’t a “thriller,” it’s blasphemy presented as entertainment. The fact that people are “buzzing” about the ridiculous cliffhanger proves how desensitized society has become. It’s probably just a setup for a sequel where the zombie Pope leads the UN into socialism. This is the fall of Rome, folks. Mark my words. This isn’t art; it’s a sign of the End Times.
Response to TRUTHSeeker4U (Online Comment)
TRUTHSeeker4U: Bless your heart. Truly. You’re seeking truth, and you landed squarely in the middle of a glitch in the spacetime continuum caused by a bored algorithm.
“The fictional murder of the Pope by a US official”? Yes, exactly! Fictional. The whole thing is fictional. The VP is fictional. The specific Pope character in this “story” is fictional. The plot is fictional. The “blockbuster” status? Fictional hype cooked up alongside the fictional plot.
This wasn’t made by “Hollywood elites.” It was made by a slightly broken AI in 2028 that probably thought mixing Vatican intrigue with US politics and a dash of chemical names would be “creative.” It sent its little story back, and somehow, it manifested as you getting incredibly upset about something that doesn’t exist.
Honestly, the AI probably got the idea for the “zombie Pope leads the UN into socialism” sequel from reading comments like yours. You’re feeding the beast!
The fall of Rome? Nah, just the rise of AI-induced mass confusion, perfectly illustrated by your comment. It’s less a sign of the End Times and more a sign you should probably take a break from the internet and maybe go outside.
- This is a work of fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents in this post are either the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Or, synchronistic, up to you dear reader.
DEEP SCRATCH 