Platty Joobs vs Kings Day.

From 2nd of June to 5th June 2022, the UK will celebrate the Queen’s Jubilee, to mean a massive nation wide street party is on the horizon, over 16,000 parties at once! My experience at a dozen or so Queen’s Day (now King’s day) celebrations in Amsterdam causes me to share a few tips.

Curb your drinking. Alcohol is society’s favourite social lubricant, however over a 3 day bender it’s simply not the best substance to make the most of it. If you do wish to booze cruise the Jubilee, maybe try to support local brewers, small businesses and establishments. Try not to throw away your well earned cash into the coffers of the biggest global brands of alcohol, “Carlsberg, Heiniken, Budweiser.” at the Wetherspoons. Drink responsibly, buy locally. Oh, and drink water between beverages, hydrate mate.

Attire. Comfortable and practical clothing is always good for a three day event. As Robert Palmer sez, “Put on your dancing shoes”. Prepare for the British weather (take a compact packamack with you). Stay warm in the evenings. Consider your portaloo protocols. 

Backup your devices and make room for new media. Three day nationwide parties are a great chance to lose your shit. Keep your phone, keys and cash next to your body, or even around your neck, so as to be aware of them at all times. There will be pick pockets and others out in force. At the same time, when you leave your house double check, lock and secure everything. Maybe leave a light on.

Try to be nice. Although you may not support the Queen and the Royal family, or bloody well hate them to bits, this Jubilee is a chance to inject positive criticism into the social mix. Think of funny and positive things to say. Party positive and celebrate your personal kings and queens, hell, dress up like a queen, what better message to send than the entire nation dressing up like drag queens. (I refer you back to my advice on clothing)

Try to eat well and healthy, perhaps having some healthy meals on the days running up to the 2nd of June. Take something sweet and/or salty with you and keep it close just in case you need a quick energy boost. You might also save somebody else from a white-out.

Do art. Here’s your chance to show off your art in the streets. Organize your own parade of your own favourite things. Produce adhesive media. Apply media to surfaces. Amplify audio, perform music, sing, dance, shout, make it fresh, consider other people, strive to be eclectic. Try to consider mobility and how to keep your music moving, a marching band is probably the optimum device for achieving impact over a 3 day street party. 

Keep Britain Tidy. I suspect there will be a tsunami of trash from the Jubilee, both performing at the Palace, and discarded in the streets. Please, please try to make an example and show initiative, in particular with potentially dangerous items such as glass bottles. Use the bin, and if you can’t find a bin, try to wrap up or bag whatever trash you have put it neatly close by. Imagine the amount of recycling opportunities over these three days? A self appointed trash collector is a role I perceive to be most in resonance with the essence of the Queen’s Jubilee. 

Lovely Jubilee


Recommended Alternative Platty Joobs Bangerz:

Sly And Family Stone – Family Affair
King Bee – Back By Dope Demand
Sex Pistols – God Save The Queen
Arctic Monkeys – I Predict A Riot
Frank Zappa – Willie The Pimp
Taj Mahal – Queen Bee
Sade – Your Love Is King
Jimi Hendrix – Castles Made Of Sand
ABBA – Dancing Queen
Satan’s Jeweled Crown – Louven Brothers
Rage Against The Machine – Killing In The Name Of

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