DEEP SCRATCH

Tag: Britain

  • Platty Joobs vs Kings Day.

    From 2nd of June to 5th June 2022, the UK will celebrate the Queen’s Jubilee, to mean a massive nation wide street party is on the horizon, over 16,000 parties at once! My experience at a dozen or so Queen’s Day (now King’s day) celebrations in Amsterdam causes me to share a few tips.

    Curb your drinking. Alcohol is society’s favourite social lubricant, however over a 3 day bender it’s simply not the best substance to make the most of it. If you do wish to booze cruise the Jubilee, maybe try to support local brewers, small businesses and establishments. Try not to throw away your well earned cash into the coffers of the biggest global brands of alcohol, “Carlsberg, Heiniken, Budweiser.” at the Wetherspoons. Drink responsibly, buy locally. Oh, and drink water between beverages, hydrate mate.

    Attire. Comfortable and practical clothing is always good for a three day event. As Robert Palmer sez, “Put on your dancing shoes”. Prepare for the British weather (take a compact packamack with you). Stay warm in the evenings. Consider your portaloo protocols. 

    Backup your devices and make room for new media. Three day nationwide parties are a great chance to lose your shit. Keep your phone, keys and cash next to your body, or even around your neck, so as to be aware of them at all times. There will be pick pockets and others out in force. At the same time, when you leave your house double check, lock and secure everything. Maybe leave a light on.

    Try to be nice. Although you may not support the Queen and the Royal family, or bloody well hate them to bits, this Jubilee is a chance to inject positive criticism into the social mix. Think of funny and positive things to say. Party positive and celebrate your personal kings and queens, hell, dress up like a queen, what better message to send than the entire nation dressing up like drag queens. (I refer you back to my advice on clothing)

    Try to eat well and healthy, perhaps having some healthy meals on the days running up to the 2nd of June. Take something sweet and/or salty with you and keep it close just in case you need a quick energy boost. You might also save somebody else from a white-out.

    Do art. Here’s your chance to show off your art in the streets. Organize your own parade of your own favourite things. Produce adhesive media. Apply media to surfaces. Amplify audio, perform music, sing, dance, shout, make it fresh, consider other people, strive to be eclectic. Try to consider mobility and how to keep your music moving, a marching band is probably the optimum device for achieving impact over a 3 day street party. 

    Keep Britain Tidy. I suspect there will be a tsunami of trash from the Jubilee, both performing at the Palace, and discarded in the streets. Please, please try to make an example and show initiative, in particular with potentially dangerous items such as glass bottles. Use the bin, and if you can’t find a bin, try to wrap up or bag whatever trash you have put it neatly close by. Imagine the amount of recycling opportunities over these three days? A self appointed trash collector is a role I perceive to be most in resonance with the essence of the Queen’s Jubilee. 

    Lovely Jubilee

    –Steve   

    Recommended Alternative Platty Joobs Bangerz:

    Sly And Family Stone – Family Affair
    King Bee – Back By Dope Demand
    Sex Pistols – God Save The Queen
    Arctic Monkeys – I Predict A Riot
    Frank Zappa – Willie The Pimp
    Taj Mahal – Queen Bee
    Sade – Your Love Is King
    Jimi Hendrix – Castles Made Of Sand
    ABBA – Dancing Queen
    Satan’s Jeweled Crown – Louven Brothers
    Rage Against The Machine – Killing In The Name Of

  • Kulture Krimeminister

    A Poem For Birmingham Library by The Kulture Krimeminister

    Let’s lay the bricks out 
and cement the truth to the tarmac
    with architectural plans for the
    Minister of corporate responsibility
    response…ability
    Philip Neville Green
    With a name to come, start the tour
    Bit of a ghost train to be honest
    Nothing nice to see here
    A controlled demolition
    or how do you say, mismanagement

    The question of intention 
accident or controlled demolition
    Accidental demolition, is that a thing?
    Half full or half empty?
    Incompetence or psychopathy

    The question remains
    Do you think Carillion is a controlled demolition
    Or a terrible tragedy beyond any dudes control
    What do you do, what is to be done?

    Write for a start, get tip tapping away
    use your search engine, read and write and
    Read and write look at Carillon
    Look at the past news items and warnings
    Let’s talk about unrestricted finance capitalism
    and jazz and jungle, okay organic food and sky net
    culture with a capital K
    and town at the centre of the cyclone
    security, museums, galleries? What galleries?

    I must pull down my vanity a bit
    If you’re reading this M…
    I come in peace, in poetry
    but with concern, about Carillion
    what up with that?
    Up in wolf town the HQ close by
    Oh me oh my, and the usual suspect
    Phil Green, you must have shared a cup of tea with him
    He’s at the centre of a hot scam right now
    Something which pulls into question the
    Outsourcing of social services, and jobs, to the
    Private sector

    Let’s talk about the private sector
    I have a few alternatives, not just here to mock
    And claim conspiracy 
Let’s talk about Carillion

    Worth a few billion and rhymes with carrion
    It’s a new carry on called Carillion
    The boss made a million and left
    Just in time to escape the demolition
    Man, blew up from inside with
    Contracts and rats and lies and schemes
    Up to the rafters, I pity the grafters.

    Insult to the injury incurred to man who lift beams
    To the man or women that carry a hod
    Lay concrete build our street
    Your street, the roads and homes
    The hospitals and libraries, theatres
    You know any good actors?

    The schism in time ain’t mine
    Look, I’d be willing to work with you
    For a day or two and then you’d meet me and
    Look me in the eye and see the red and
    Probably smell the head of cheese
    In my jacket pocket
    Naaaaa man, can’t do it. 

It’s you and I apart nothing else to it
    Even so far away I can feel you’re pull
    The culture minister the digital tsar the
    Many meaningful and powerful things that you are
    And so I ask you, what culture?
    What Jobs? I digress…

    So what about Carillion? Eh.
    Yeah, thanks a million
    To scaffold the issue and 
cut the wood of doubt
    and shave logs 
of skepticism for dust particles of truth
    Wire up the light tonight and lay the path ahead
    build a place for the 
hospital bed that Philip deserves

    The Carillion banquet
    Philip Neville Greens served in a “Cameron” pork sauce,
    Hinckley Krispy Nuclear Fish cakes, together with “Jobs Out’ sauce
    Margott’s “trade union” Bhaji’s
    Baker’s fat cat meat rolls and carrion pepper

    Big into construction?

 I know you know about the yard,
    Roots and culture, the man and women on
    The floor, building, lifting, painting, carrying, sweating
    The workers, well not these people, forget them love,
    Let’s talk about the CEO’s
    The owners and ministers of corporate 
responsibility,
    the marrow, the meat, the stars the
    Candidates.

    Do you see the paradox?
    Controlled demolition remains a conspiracy theory
    Based on the idea that those people in charge,
    Those with agency for change
    DO NOT have our best interests at heart
    Only those interests of the few,
    Those like Sir Philip Green,
    rhymes with mean, not with cunt.

    How mean can you get Mr Green
    To jump ship and seemingly stand by
    While the ship is demolished along with
    Tens of thousands of jobs?
    So, in response to the question what
Is, to, be done?
    Speak freely with poetry,
    Paint, chant, dance, sculpt
    And to my friends 
Rise.

    Your commander in chief is 
the culture minister now
    Just let that sink in and then get to it
    Make that beat, spit that bar
write that blog, read that book.
    Build a new decentralised co-operative
    Brook

 replace Carillion.
    never ever put blind faith in the
    Tory spearheaded privatisation of the means
    To production again.
    This is what unrestricted international
    Finance capitalism looks like
    A hall of mirrors, shrugs and what the F**ks
    A infant could have seen this coming.
    Carillion was in trouble and yet
    Contract after contract was given out on the double
    Like hot cakes, like free money, like
    The beginning of a controlled demolition
    Put on your hats and get stuck into the rubble
    Let’s build an alternative 
quick smart on the double

    Listen, breathe, take a look.
    Let’s not jump to any conclusions now
    Yes, culture is what culture does
    Money, chaos, central power, confidence
    Unrestricted finance capitalism film and lies

    Stourbridge, New Jerusalem, Dudley
    Give me a big make a fries to go
    Centre of all things
    like Robert Plant & Frank Foley
    Rock and Roll Security
    Only the best and later for the rest

    Ms. Minister of culture?
    Please forward your map for cultural learning
    The books and films, the principles and fundamentals
    The foundations and hero’s and legends
    The myths and preferred diet
    Mental conceptions, means to attain knowledge
    Health, comprehensive understanding
    A job
    Where to go and what to know
    What soundtrack, which painters and prime movers
    Important movements in the arts
    And in 2018? Not just medieval arts
    What contemporary artist? Local, think!
    teach us and show us culture.
    I don’t hunt or fence
    What beats, what beat maker or better yet
    rhyme scientist or beat mechanic,
    Who rock the dance floor across racial borders?
    Who make an impact in independent music?
    This is not a battle, man, no, this is a conversation
    With myself, comment if you like, you follow me right?

    My title, vulture crimeminister
    ma from the river
    A friend, writing, with some editions to the
    Cultural rag bag
    First, the bridge is in a state,
    The river still needs help too
    and the new KFC, MaCdonlds, Costa Triplicity
    Put’s town on the map
    Did you cut the ribbon?
    Kiddin, hear me now,
    Culture is your operating system
    And so, as Vulture Crime-minister I ask

    Am I guilty,
    Now never mind Carillion, reduce the story to
    an individual scape goat, don’t question
    unristricted
    international
    finance
    capitalism