DEEP SCRATCH

Tag: Michael Gove

  • Johnson Hancock Cummings Gove

    Hancock: “We need a new slogan, er, something good”

    Johnson: “Er, er, well, I thought that, er…stop…er”

    Cummings: “Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me, I like that one?

    Gove: “Oh Dominic, less of the bad language chap”

    Johnson: “Oh delightful Dom, er, or just um, do what we say in er, bod, yes bold letters, um”

    Hancock: “Gentleman, we don’t have much time, the press con’ starts in fifteen”

    Cummings: “Great, yeah, like it, jackpot”

    Johnson: “Um, hey Govey boy, after you’ve finished, er, after you’ve, er, finished, yes, finished the plate, um perhaps share your top, er, best one, quickly now…chap.

    Gove: “Thank you Boris, Thankyou. Yes, and thanks to everybody gathered here at this meeting today, I am honoured, blessed to be here at this critical moment for the Tory party, together at this moment of opportunity to increase our tight grip on the situation and a pretty good grip, er, on the people too and I’d like to thank my wife, my dealers and…”

    Hancock: Mike, you’re rambling. The best one, please”

    Johnson: “Er, come on chap, um, yes, what is the goodest one?

    Cummings: “I need more coffee”

    Johnson: “Brilliant, that’s it Dom, spaffing job, you gone done it, got it done, heh, again you rascal, meeting adjourned.”

    An intern from Government PR quickly knocked-up the new slogan and within ten minutes, printed it and stuck it to the front of the pulpit where Johnson was to address the country.

    “Nice, er, nice colours, they remind me of the colours on a bus, how wonderful, I once made an art bus…”

    Hancock: “Boris, get over here and tuck your shirt in, you ain’t Dom, try to look normal”

    Gove: “Here you are big dog, Boris, take this…helps you to stay alert”

    Cummings: “Hold it. Stay alert…um yes, yesssssss yesssssss vague, yesssssss, imprecise oh yesssss, divisive….um oh god yesssssss even better, confusion, yes yes yes”

    Dominic punches the sky, spills his latte and slaps Micky Gove on the back who in turn coughs out a chunk of cocaine (a.k.a Gove Dust) striking Jacob Rees Mogg on the chin and waking him from a 3 month slumber, underneath a wooden bench.

    Mogg: “Hmmmmm, wahhhhhh, hmmmmmm, yes, hmmmmmmm wahhhhh…um….”

    Johnson: “Just take it on the chin chap, heh”

    Cummings: “Moggy, you sound like a wah-wah pedde that’s running out of power”

    Mogg: “Ummmm where…..um wha…….mehhhhhh…..wahhhhh…..”

    Johnson: “Go back to sleep Moggy old boy, er, stay alert…yes yes…stay….alert.

    Johnson steps to the podium to address the country.

    “Er, um, well yes, er, I am absolutely yes, er, brilliant….and I really hope, I do hope, er, yes and alert like a…stay, er…

    “Like an Etonian sack of Satan’s spunk, Boris. Like a confused liar who’s had his head stuck inside an orange balloon….”

    Johnson: “Get him out of here…what the, um, er, what the devil…”

    Me (dragged by the hair and punched): “Fuck you and your whole Tory crew Boris. You don’t fool me, you pure….LYING….FANNY!”

  • Poverty And Austerity: Some Drugs And Some People

    Here we go again. The recent headlines in the UK, concerning drug use by some politicians is to me, a prime example of how ignorant, and strategically confusing the unholy alliance between party politics and party media can become.  

    First, stories about cocaine use by prominent Tory politicians, Michael Gove, the main story, followed by one or two about cannabis use. Both lumped together into one of the most misused and abused terms in the English language: drugs. Until the police break down the doors of Superdrug, the term will remain unfit for the purpose of clarity. Fit for exploiting that old damnbiguity.

    And so the confusion begins, sweet confusion for the divisive politics and media mayhem. And the lack of any sensible, meaningful statements on specific drugs and doses themselves, and/or the wider social, human picture. The fact, for example, that many drug problems are tied together with POVERTY is lost in the premature ejaculation of the chest beating purists. If you have enough money, enough lawyers, and enough private health care treatment, many dangerous drugs are simply a lifestyle choice, a social habit, with little to no danger of putting yourself, or those around you in danger. Depending on set, setting, and dose. Remember. This goes for both regional, national, and international cultures.  

    I don’t want to sound like a drug snob, my position is that all drugs in the right set and setting, and at different dosages can have positive uses, both medicinal and recreational medicines. However, personally speaking, I gravitate toward the mildly psychoactive drugs, those that have a long history of use by humans, and those drugs that are not controlled by intelligence cabals, and dealt by narcissistic arseholes. I’ll let you come to your own conclusions.

    To repeat, poverty and austerity, in combination with illegal drug use in an environment of prohibition and the money-mad wars on some people who use some drugs, fueled by the industrial prison complex, leads to problems. Personal and social. Those, such as some politicians, and some pop celebrities, and the journalists whose job it is to hold them to account, seem to me to inhabit a different world to the rest of us.

    Meanwhile, as uncle Terence used to point out, the majority of humans are habitually dependent on sugar, meat and alcohol, although due to social norms, unaware of the fact it maybe a problem, until you remove the thing craved for.

    Know your poison, and poisoner. Stay safe. Smoke less, get higher.