Johnson Hancock Cummings Gove

Hancock: “We need a new slogan, er, something good”

Johnson: “Er, er, well, I thought that, er…stop…er”

Cummings: “Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me, I like that one?

Gove: “Oh Dominic, less of the bad language chap”

Johnson: “Oh delightful Dom, er, or just um, do what we say in er, bod, yes bold letters, um”

Hancock: “Gentleman, we don’t have much time, the press con’ starts in fifteen”

Cummings: “Great, yeah, like it, jackpot”

Johnson: “Um, hey Govey boy, after you’ve finished, er, after you’ve, er, finished, yes, finished the plate, um perhaps share your top, er, best one, quickly now…chap.

Gove: “Thank you Boris, Thankyou. Yes, and thanks to everybody gathered here at this meeting today, I am honoured, blessed to be here at this critical moment for the Tory party, together at this moment of opportunity to increase our tight grip on the situation and a pretty good grip, er, on the people too and I’d like to thank my wife, my dealers and…”

Hancock: Mike, you’re rambling. The best one, please”

Johnson: “Er, come on chap, um, yes, what is the goodest one?

Cummings: “I need more coffee”

Johnson: “Brilliant, that’s it Dom, spaffing job, you gone done it, got it done, heh, again you rascal, meeting adjourned.”

An intern from Government PR quickly knocked-up the new slogan and within ten minutes, printed it and stuck it to the front of the pulpit where Johnson was to address the country.

“Nice, er, nice colours, they remind me of the colours on a bus, how wonderful, I once made an art bus…”

Hancock: “Boris, get over here and tuck your shirt in, you ain’t Dom, try to look normal”

Gove: “Here you are big dog, Boris, take this…helps you to stay alert”

Cummings: “Hold it. Stay alert…um yes, yesssssss yesssssss vague, yesssssss, imprecise oh yesssss, divisive….um oh god yesssssss even better, confusion, yes yes yes”

Dominic punches the sky, spills his latte and slaps Micky Gove on the back who in turn coughs out a chunk of cocaine (a.k.a Gove Dust) striking Jacob Rees Mogg on the chin and waking him from a 3 month slumber, underneath a wooden bench.

Mogg: “Hmmmmm, wahhhhhh, hmmmmmm, yes, hmmmmmmm wahhhhh…um….”

Johnson: “Just take it on the chin chap, heh”

Cummings: “Moggy, you sound like a wah-wah pedde that’s running out of power”

Mogg: “Ummmm where…..um wha…….mehhhhhh…..wahhhhh…..”

Johnson: “Go back to sleep Moggy old boy, er, stay alert…yes yes…stay….alert.

Johnson steps to the podium to address the country.

“Er, um, well yes, er, I am absolutely yes, er, brilliant….and I really hope, I do hope, er, yes and alert like a…stay, er…

“Like an Etonian sack of Satan’s spunk, Boris. Like a confused liar who’s had his head stuck inside an orange balloon….”

Johnson: “Get him out of here…what the, um, er, what the devil…”

Me (dragged by the hair and punched): “Fuck you and your whole Tory crew Boris. You don’t fool me, you pure….LYING….FANNY!”

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