Author: flyagaric23

  • How do you measure betrayal? A betrayometer?

    What degree of bad faith, how much disloyalty and how to measure treachery?

    Can you make a hierarchy of Betrayal values? Here’s my first attempt, and please keep in mind that one man’s treason is another man’s genius, depending on the conceit of nations and the conceit of scholars (media conceit). When the tabloid newspapers declare X to be a traitor, and betrayer, compared to what I ask?

    Betrayometer Level 0: Everybody who changes their mind based upon new information.  

    Betrayometer Level 1: Jeremy Corbyn. Betrayed some labour voters, the jury remains out to what degree.

    Betrayometer Level 2: Hugh Grant, betrayed his wife by soliciting a prostitute.

    Betrayometer Level 3: John Bercow, betrayed parliament (according to some people) but hard to put your finger on specific evidence of this.

    Betrayometer Level 4: Edward Snowdon, betrayed his employer, the CIA, arguably in the interests of the American people and citizens of the world?

    Betrayometer Level 5: Ian Austin, Labour M.P for Dudley, who betrayed his Labour party by voting for Boris Johnson’s Brexit deal. 

    Betrayometer Level 6: Ruja Ignatova, Bulgarian scammer, betrayed customers of OneCoin with a Ponzi scheme to the tune of 4 Billion. 

    Betrayometer Level 7: Kim Philby, betrayed the British, and allied spies for the Russians, as part of the Cambridge Spy Ring.  

    Betrayometer Level 8: James Jesus Angleton. Betrayed everybody and everything he got near to. The magister Ludi of betrayal, lies, and spreading double-cross paranoia.   

    Betrayometer Level 9: Boris Johnson, betrayed his wife by having a mistress or two, betrayed his brother and father, betrayed his own party, betrayed the people of the UK, betrayed the DUP and Ireland, betrayed the Queen, betrayed Europe Union. (Level 9.5: Trump, Betrayed Kurds, Europe, China, Russia, India, Asia, Africa…all humanity)

    Betrayometer Level 10: Vidkun Quisling, double-crossed Norway, the country and its people, in support of the Nazi party during WW2. The name Quisling is now recognized as a synonym for betrayal.  

    #Brexit
    #Betrayal
    #HierarchyOfValues
    .

  • Bobby Reefer R.I.P

    Bobby Reefer.

    Bobby! Bobby. Man, this cat. Let me tell you about this cat. Bobby was the coolest hippest cat you ever met. Bobby spent a good 7 years of his life in the 420 Coffeeshop in Amsterdam, where I was fortunate to share a few thousand hours together with the rascal. We were pretty close, I mean, we had a good time together at the cafe’ and to be honest more people will remember Bobby than will remember me, but that’s cool. Bobby deserves to live in eternal memory as the legendary cat of Amsterdam coffeeshop 420.

    I was there when he first walked in the door, no really, he just walked into the coffeeshop, a kind-of stray cat, looking for some adventure and food. Bwoy did he find it. The 420 Cafe’ was the perfect cafe to pick due to the fact that Max, the previous 420 Coffeeshop cat, had recently died and there was space availbale for a new puss to move in. Who knows, perhaps the previous owner shoved him through the door, either way, as soon as we saw each other I kind of knew we would become colleagues. Sho’ nuff, Bobby hung around, and after some proper cat food and sweet treatment he found a home at the cafe. Eventually getting special bedding, treats, knuffles, and even his own room which was bigger than mine, and free of charge.

    Within a few short weeks Bobby was up on my lap (back in the day when you had time to sit down in a coffeeshop, and maybe read something) creating the cozy atmosphere that cats and humans enjoy. Sitting purring, minding his own business. A cool cat…unlike a lot of tourists, Bobby could shit in the right place, and even managed to control his vomitting-up of mouse body parts with a certain, je ne sais quoi. A true gentleman cat.

    When not on my lap, Bobby would often be sat to my left, on the hash and weed dealer counter, seemingly asleep or very relaxed, until…some customer would take the liberty of touching him. Oh man, I’ll never forget the scratches and hisses you gave to those heavy handed motherfuckers, hahaa. Serves em’ right. Some might say he was too rough, or too quick to pounce, I will always love Bobby for his scratching, that made fine entertainment for the regulars, and staff, who knew what Bob was capable of and who anticipated a deep scratch and a hiss when some over confident mofo’ touched that particular part of his back. “Go get em’ Bobby”.

    Bobby made the whole shop his turf, patrolling the tables both under and over for mice and men, sometimes deciding to sprawl out across a table like a lion sunbathing, often getting small amounts of weed stuck to his mottled fur, becoming a kind of weedy mammoth cat. What a legend.

    Since the gov. project to close down many coffeeshops around the central area of Amsterdam, the 420 Coffeeshop got busier and busier, to the point where life for Bobby, and some staff, became unworkable. Eventually Bobby was relieved of his duties and went to live in Amsterdam East, where I was fortunate to visit him a few times. As most cool cats do, Bobby didn’t seems to remember me when I met him again after a few years away, I was expecting it to be just like old times, but he was older now, perhaps 18, and seemed to want nothing more than to be left alone, sleeping, dreaming of scratching pot tourists.

    Today, October 22nd, 2019, I got the news that Bobby took his last trip to the vet, and was “put down” as they say in England. On the contrary, today Bobby was put up! Up there with “Miffy” “Zack” “Grover” and a few other cats I was fortune to spend time with, and millions of others, gone but not forgotten.

    Bobby Reefer (1998–2019)

    #DeepScratch

    Bobby, 2019 (Amsterdam East)
  • Brexit Vasectomy And Euthanasia

    Doctor: Hi, can I help you with something?

    Me: Yes, I’m unsure about having a vasectomy, tell me more.

    Doctor: Just get on with it!

    Me: I beg your pardon.

    Doctor: Vasectomy means vasectomy

    Me: what?

    Doctor: Trust me, I’m a doctor. Next!

    #Brexit

    #Vasectomy


    Doctor: Hi, you again. Can I help?

    Me: Yeah, I’m considering euthanasia, can you explain my options, please.

    Doctor: Euthanasia means euthanasia.

    Me: Oh, that simple eh, well….

    Doctor (interrupting me): Just get on with it

    Me: my groin hurts…

    Doctor: Next!

    #Brexit

    #Euthanasia

  • In like

    In like

    In
    Out the dirty bin, like Flynn, trippin’
    Sin of Johnsin, Jonesin for deregs
    Suckin’ the last dregs of capital
    From a burst bubble

    In, in with them, in it together
    With Europe to weather the weather
    You choose Trump or Tusk?
    In with your kin
    Folks in mass who be from working kingdom class

    In for the workers rights
    In for fair and decent opportunity for all
    In for one and one for all in
    In good we trust

    In over your head with the out gang
    In the thick of it and getting thicker by the Wetherspoon full
    Think McFly, think quicker
    Sicker and licker shot to shoot the big dipper dobber

    In, like cucumber in Gin
    Like a holiday abroad on a whim
    For consumer rights
    For human and animal rights
    Stay in, come unity
    Not separatism
    No schism

    Ready up for the fight, for the flight, the blindsight roulette zit
    In like a hole in one
    Like a slam dunk, a corner kick, a prick
    Inn like a stable for Jayzeus

    In without Tory heist
    In without Brexit Party hallucinations
    In like Quintin Tarantino movies
    In your face Ian Turncoat Austin

    In the pool of commerce the largest market
    In the mood
    In the future of international learning with European cultures
    In the market place of market places
    In your own skin
    In place in positive spin

    Shedding Camerons pigskin and Johnson’s sheepskin
    Leaving deadley sin, Dudley sin by Ian Busted Austin
    In with the strong, in to underpin your rights
    In and ready to take it on the chin
    Begin trackin’ thin lines that lead to lies and Gove coke puffin’
    Boris de Pfeffel huffin’ lies and elitist disregard
    For everybody but them, the Bullingdongers

    In like the loony bin Boris should be confined within
    In like the firing pin
    In the cross hairs of hate I relogate to the trash bin
    Reason, fairness, openness and up-to date information
    In memory of Heathcote Williams
    In time
    In like Huckleberry Finn.
    In like a drawing pin to the shin of Boris Johnsin.

    In

    In

    In

  • Domesticated Ostrich Syndicate Emu Race (DOSER)

    Yesterday, I woke up to this fragment of a dream, and went with it. A dream you can join, order an egg and incubate.

    Future prophesy #23: Domesticated Ostrich Syndicate Emu Race (DOSER 2020)

    The Ostrich will become further domesticated, and perhaps genetically altered or drugged to behave…at least as well as a teenager…in the urban environment. No city and rural transport system proposal is greener than this one! Ostrich transport (with saddle and other accessories, Ostrich carriage tbc…) neep-neep.

    Also the 2020 Green and lean domesticated Ostrich can provide what used to be measured as horsepower. Replace those pesky street robots currently doing the rounds. I am going further than Vermin Supreme with his “one pony per person” promise. An Ostrich can outrun a police horse, and if trained properly jump high and far. “One Ostrich per person” is campaign promise any political hack can dig on.

    **Let’s get this bird on the road…neep neep**

    Furthermore, Ostriches provide manure which can used for fertilizing the crops, if you know what I mean, plus, Ostrich eggs can be consumed and/or sold…both with high value (real nutrition value and monetary value…a rare mix). They can also provide good company, if trained right, and give that loving feeling to those who enjoy animal comforts and companions. Oh the chicks are soooooo cute.

    Ostriches boast a rich and vast global history, when fully grokked in the context of my new bird plan, can tun your hair peacock. From ancient Egypt, Sumeria, Greece and into modern times, the Ostrich has been poking his or her regal head. into the shot: photo-bombing history. Ostrich feathers were once worth more than their equal weight in diamonds. Fact.

    I argue, if they can send Ostrich eggs through the post to make an Ostrich farm for fucking Ostrich meat! and leather….for crying out loud, I say JUSTICE in this instance, is a movement to incubate, nurture, train and grow Ostriches, from chicks to domesticated urban Ostriches.

    “Ostrich McBikes not McNuggets, you monsters!”

    To be raised, perhaps on CBD oil, to become fully functioning Urbirds (Urban Birds) streetwise, more beeeeeyuuutiful than any Tesla! or metal death machine, tram or train. A living thing god damn it.

    Ostrich culture will emerge in the 2020s, some will be bred for a varied palette of rainbow plumes, and some cosmetic boosts. How would a little bootox here and there enhance an Ostrich face? You might get to hang with the president of the USA.

    Please consider joining *OLF* and/or *OLGA*

    Ostrich Liberation Front
    &
    Ostrich Liberation Gang Associates

    “Get dem’ eggs, build an independent army of Ostriches, dash the system. neep-neep”

    I recognize that currently, Ostriches may not like to be ridden like a horse, and it can damage their wings. I propose a humane and caring program to domesticate the Ostrich, and entertain other ideas for integrating them into our human civilization.

  • FACT CHECK, 1-2

    FACT CHECK, 1-2

    Introduction: I woke up this morning and rhymed my mind wheels. Enjoy, love, fly.

    Fact check and false check chicken neck
    Fat Cheque, fake chap, make chat,
    Ignorant ain’t cha’

    I look pale but I got this tribal trail for yer’
    A big whale, like a shark fish swimming tour
    Eternally 23, names wordsley
    Off the top get a mop cuz’ brexshit moves sleazey
    You tease me, with the promise of rhyme
    Debase me, with crime-minister prime

    I’m coming for Boris with Jez and Chuck Norris
    We gonna’ plant a forest, we gonna’ chant a chorus
    For poets who come before us, and claw us a torus

    In spore us inspire us can’t tire us with tyrants
    My family migrants with floral fragrance not vagrants
    This ones for the vegans pagans and Finnegans
    Rap shenanigans in my shattergums sugar-plumb fairy songs
    Sculptured bongs in cultured dishes, make three curses
    And bake four wishes

    Get some tissues, for this fission-fusion
    Boris and Mogg And Farage mirage illusion
    Contusion contortion, lies and distortion
    More than their portion of sleepy Eaton potion
    Dribbled out to the nation
    Logic on ration
    The P.M loves fashion
    And the fashion is fascism and isms and schism
    First-class division for second class vision

    Fact check and false check chicken neck
    Fat Cheque, fake chap, make chat,
    Ignorant ain’t cha’

    Fuck Boris, don’t let the lies permeate
    Hold the motherfucker to each word turd mate
    Tabloid media failing yer big tech selling yer’
    Big dicks swinging yer getting fucked I’m tellin’ yer
    Wake up smell it year
    The writings pun the wall and it’s led by donkeys
    The two blonde beasts were both bred by honkies
    War carded, retorytarded
    fart in the face of democracy, Trump
    A bull in the office of orifice, Boris

    So I leave that behind and get my ass outside
    Take a trip to the park and go “weeeee” down the slide
    I skip some dog shit and write a new hit
    I got more on my shoe than I know what to doo-doo with
    so I pick it and flip it and scrape some more off
    While thinking of Putin and Mikhail…Gorbachev
    Having a loff’ getting shit of my shoes
    The arbitrary rhyme scheme to mean tepid blues

    It looked like choco ice cream but
    Tasted like marmite mixed with
    Vaseline, a brexshit dream

    Fact check and false check chicken neck
    Fat Cheque, fake chap, make chat,
    Ignorant ain’t cha’

    Well listen, they’re not all this, and all that
    I’m not all steve and I’m not all Pratt
    Don’t carry a gat or a bat or gun
    Just a couple of pens, some vinyl and drum
    Ruppa-Pum-Pummel your feet with stones
    Eat hot dog buns with spiced microphones

    Fight waves and resistance with minimal drag
    like a sea hag witch shaman poet slag
    lightning bolt one-leg from Winnipoop-peg
    Smoked your last roach and drank the last dreg

    Goodbye summer wine hello winter rant
    When I write off the dome its me, ste, itinerant
    Squinity butterfly sprinty, with an Irish tint
    Favourite colours green, and flavour mint

    I put your tongue in a splint
    And sent your eyeballs to Clent
    Nose to the grind
    And ears important
    Head in the clouds and feet on the slab
    Gimme some acid to unleash my splift’ of the gob

    These rhymes on a cob
    This life of a slob, firing back at the mob
    Who lost you your job
    With lies from their club
    I shoot with this dub
    I scoot to the nub
    Just dance to the sub
    Sit up, don’t be a slouch like Mogg
    Be like Jez
    Make plans to heal this mezz’
    Confess and test the best of yourself
    Get abreast of yourself
    Find the rest of yourself
    Find the others

    Oh, oh, oh….find, the others
    Agree to tolerate their manias
    If they can tolerate yours
    Be like flipper not Jaws
    Take a walk take a pause
    Reflect and direct the love in all ways
    The hated are fated to be elated with antiquated hate

    Fact check and false check chicken neck
    Fat Cheque, fake chap, make chat,
    Ignorant ain’t cha’

    A poet avoids rhyme like the plague
    Forcing clarity of sanity distinguished from vague
    These rhymes are childish
    Puns served hot and mildish
    English tingle ish’ single this, finger lift, to right wing toffs

    I wish I wish in just one stanza
    You’d explain the brexit extravaganza
    Hex it, stop it, smell it, chuck it, heal it, steal it,
    Few walk the talk, few truly feel it
    If you want to fight Trump you have to stop Brexit
    That’s it, in a nutshell, a gut smell, say what now?
    What punk-rock rap includes lyrics from Bercow?
    Get justified ancient and Moo Moo
    Come together and tackle the doo-doo

    Fact check and false check chicken neck
    Fat Cheque, fake chap, make chat,
    Ignorant ain’t cha’

    Fact check, 1-2.

    –Steve Fly 9th, October, 2019. Amsterdblam.

    STEVE FLY: SELECTED POETRY